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Blessed by Oshun ~ My Relationship with a Deity

 

It all began roughly 18 years ago.

I was in my late twenties and pregnant by a man who did not reciprocate my feelings (or devotion).

Devastated I cried to my bestie/mentor at the time. A mysterious and powerful light skinned dark haired Spanish woman who happened to be a highly psychic medium with a love for the ancient HooDoo (did I even get that right?) tradition.

I was desperate, SO DESPERATE for literally any remedy that might ease my broken heart which had me completely destroyed and debilitated.

 

“Get yourself some yellow flowers and go to the river. Throw the yellow flowers in the water and ask Oshun to heal your broken heart. She will bring you comfort.”  Was the advice my sage mentor offered.

Oshun? Who’s that? OKAY!” I honestly didn’t even need to know. I didn’t care. I wanted results, and I wanted them fast.

Being that I was pregnant, I couldn’t resort to the tempting yet unhealthy coping mechanisms of alcohol and other men.

She is a water Goddess who blesses those who make proper request of her.

Yellow flowers huh?” I was already on my way out the door.

The Meeting

Once at the park along the Rio Grande river, I found a nice spot secluded away from onlookers should I break into yet another daily episode of the ugly cry.

Knowing a bit about magic from having extensively studied Wicca and being a dedicated Priestess in the Ecclasian Tradition, I petitioned her by honoring her in the best way I knew how.

“Goddess Oshun. I greet you this day in perfect love and perfect trust. I offer you a gift of these yellow flowers and ask that you please grant my request of healing for my broken heart.”

With that I threw the yellow flowers into the river and as they floated downstream I surrendered into the ugly cry.

The Drive Home

I’ll never forget how I was driving down Picacho street and a comforting calm just came upon me. It wasn’t anything dramatic or drastic, just, peace. A sense of peace and of knowing that despite what life may throw my way, I would be okay.

And I would know love again.

He wasn’t the ONLY man in the world that could love me. I wouldn’t be pregnant forever, and eventually I would be able to move on and start dating again.

As my entire paradigm began to shift from ‘omg my life is ruined and I’m left a rejected pregnant blob of ugly cry’ to ‘hey I’m a pretty awesome woman with a whole life ahead of me and probably a lot more Love’ I began to receive that needed download of personal empowerment I had forgotten that I carried within.

Thank you Oshun. My offer was accepted, and the blessing was received.

Another Visit

As time went on I felt restored, but as my interactions with him continued, my resolve began to diminish.

Before I knew it I was plummeting face first down into the original pit Oshun had so graciously lifted me out of.

Back to the river I went.

This time with MORE yellow flowers.

I was embarrassed. I felt as if I had dishonored a divine being through my foolish human ways.

I shouldn’t have let him break my heart again, especially not after she fixed it, yet I did.

As I made the request, again a calm came over me and again I was restored.

Thank you Oshun, for your repeat blessing and for forgiving me my human failings.

A few weeks later…

The third time I went to petition Oshun I knew that I had to offer something more. Perhaps my heart was broken too deep for a simple offering of flowers.

Knowing I was pregnant with a girl, I offered to name my unborn child after her if she would permanently remove the love I had in my heart for the man who broke it. Thus providing a lasting solution.

A Promise Kept

True to my word, after giving birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, I gifted her Oshun for one of her middle names.

Not long after she formed her first words… It didn’t surprise me at all when my daughter saw yellow flowers and exclaimed to me “Mommy Mommy! Those are MY flowers!”

My broken heart had indeed been healed.

Oshun at the Ocean

It wasn’t until years later when I felt compelled to call upon her again.

Again, I was broken hearted. Thankfully (or not?) it was from another man this time.

Or maybe it was from the series of failed relationships that resulted in so many broken hearts. A failed marriage, failed rebound following that marriage (when I first met Oshun), and a failed rebound from the rebound.

Ugh.

This time I was on a beach at the Northwest Coast of the Pacific ocean.

I had flown to Oregon to seek some sabbatical and visit with my soulful red headed friend who insisted we rent a yurt and camp along the lusciously green (but coooold) coastline.

I didn’t have yellow flowers.

In fact, I had nothing. No savings. No great life achievements. An empty bank account and a series of broken hearts were all that I carried under my belt.

My toes in the cold wet salty sand I beseeched her.

“Please bring me a true love.”

Was all I could muster.

The only thing I had to offer to Oshun was a small silver ring I had worn on my finger for years. But to me it was a strong offering since it was one of my favorites.

After throwing the ring into the ocean I had a vision of a man emerging from the crashing waves holding an engagement ring.

Surprised, delighted, but also dismissing it as fanciful imagination… I returned to the campground.

 The Awakening

As the years passed, along with some successes and some more failures at life in general… I was moving ahead in my divinely led journey of awakening as a Healer.

My broken heart persisted.

Love altars, vision boards, mantras, lists, full moon intentions, tons of soul healing, radical self evaluation, and copious books read on how to attract a soulmate and have a healthy relationship later….

I was still alone and broken hearted.

And then I met a phenomenal man who stirred my soul on levels never before touched.

It was a profound and powerful relationship that lasted a bright brilliant six months before he was suddenly killed in a motorcycle accident.

Destroyed and faith in love lost, I shelved the fantasy and buried my hope alongside him.

Psycho Second Husband

Nuff Said. The marriage didn’t even last a year.

It was shortly after the demise of that relationship when Oshun put me in my place.

I can’t say that she had ever revealed herself to me in image, or even spoken a word. Her presence was always known by her energy. The feeling that swept over my emotional and physical body while calling up her and afterwards.

This time however, she did.

I was talking smack.

Angry and bitter, in conversation with friends at a party when I said “Well I don’t know about Oshun, she keeps bringing me horrible disasters with men.” I popped off.

It was then that she presented herself.

“Listen here, I have been bringing you the relationships that you needed in order to learn the lessons necessary for you to HAVE the love you asked for.”

Stunned and humbled, I sat with her message.

Next Failed Relationship

You can read all about this one in Ghost Webs and Fairy Tells

During this broken heart my then bestie showed up at my doorstep to greet me with a bouquet of flowers and yellow candle.

“You need Oshun!” She said as she thrust the items into my tearful face.

I did. But my broken heart was more over the sense of defeat than it was the man who broke it.

Setting up a rose quartz self love crystal grid alongside the vase of flowers and yellow candle, I called upon her.

To my amazement, she arrived in her awe inspiring glory.

Beautiful, sassy, comforting, and intensely powerful, she hovered in her adornments before me and holding a sphere of golden light.

“Ah cherie!” She spoke in a French accent.

“I have a new love for you here, but you must understand it will not last forever. Do you accept?” Her eyes twinkled and glowed as she flowed around my room.

Well how long is it going to be for?” I questioned of her (realizing too late I should know better then to question a Deity).

Oh you don’t want it then? Fine.” She gestured to put away the golden orb before I stopped her.

Wait! Wait! Okay! I’ll take it!” I psychically cried out to her.

My dear, nothing in this world of material that you live in is permanent. Everything must have it’s cycle. That includes earthly love relationships. The secret is in relishing those moments while you have them.”

Again humbled, I received the golden orb from her with gratitude.

Cross Country Healing Adventure

Deciding it was time again for soul sabbatical I set my path to California, Idaho, Oregon, back to New Mexico and then across the massive state of Texas towards the Appalacian mountains in North Carolina.

What an experience it was.

While there, I was told that there was a river which was sacred to the Goddess Oshun.

Naturally I had to pay her a visit.

Sitting at the rocks with flowers in hand, I petitioned her.

Not for myself this time, but for my close friends who were needing some of her comfort and magic to bless their lovelorn lives.

She presented again in all her magnificent glory.

“Mon cherie!” She exclaimed.

“You request for others, but not for yourself! I am going to bring you love too!” Her words like a playful song rung out.

“Umm… Okay. I guess.” I was afraid of love at this point, but not about to deny a Deity and show dishonor.

***************** Time Leap 4 Years ****************

I started writing this the Summer of 2019. It has sat unfinished in my drafts folder for over 4 years.

As I go through all of my old posts to refresh them, I take a moment to read this one. Trying to squeeze a tear, desperate to cry.

There is a pressing need to finish it, and yet, I’m stuck. As stuck as my cry has been for the past 3 years.

You see, I did meet a man following my journey cross-country.

This man turned out to be the ultimate nightmare and blessing of my life.

I’m still so traumatized from the experience that I can hardly form the words to type this.

But I will summarize.

— Him: Sexy. Powerful. King of Narcissists. Ex Mercenary, or Spy or ‘Contractor’ whatever word you want to use (yea you read that right) Literally covered in d*mons (I don’t write the word, because what you speak you invoke).

— Me: Just turned 40 and coping with that. Still deep in my ‘co-dependant healer’ ways. Naively convinced I could “heal him” (healers use that word instead of fix but it’s all the same).

— Him: Waving the red flags around and even dressing in them everyday. Making a bed with them.

— Me: Laying down on the bed of red flags he made and getting PREGNANT. Yes, pregnant at 40. Basically living in my car early mid life crisis, exploring & learning about healing, driving cross country cause I CAN cause my kids were finally grown. And now I’m PREGNANT.

— Him: Puts a gun to his head during one of his PTSD episodes and threatens to shoot himself in front of me.

— Me: Realizes that it’s sexy to date an ex mercenary until the psychopathic ptsd episodes are beyond what can be handled. Hitting the road again to travel and sabbatical more. I seriously needed to rethink my life.

— Him: Begs me back over the next 4 months. Promises to get on meds. Promises the moon and more.

— Me: Heavy with child, returns to him. Relocated to Colorado. Gave birth to a beautiful girl on Christmas morning 2019.

— Him: Loses his mind after his father dies, buys an Audi with his inheritance and leaves his baby and I during a pandemic so he could go surfing in California.

— Me: Battling INSANE amounts of rage and devastation.

— Him: Returns and promises the moon and more.

— Me: Fuckin over it.

— Him: Takes his life days before Christmas 2021.

(Actual photo I took in La Quinta California making an Oshun offering at a park)

Greatest Blessing

He left this world before our daughter turned a year old.

But, she is my greatest gift.

My greatest blessing.

My greatest love.

And if I had a choice, to go through all of what he put me through again – I would.

Because Violet. My toddler who is about to turn 4 this Christmas.

She’s my everything.

And I am forever blessed and grateful for her.

Yemaya

Oshun has a sister you know.

Her name is Yemaya.

When I found out I was pregnant with Violet, I petitioned Yemaya to bless my pregnancy and offer her protection.

Why Yemaya and not Oshun?

I just felt called to Yemaya.

She is said to be more gentle and yet even more powerful then Oshun.

Her initial response to my request went like this:

Who are you to call upon me?

I felt her scanning through my history and peering into my soul as she viewed my essence and intentions.

Your request is granted. You will give birth to a girl… and the two of you shall be surrounded by flowers.

Four Years Later

I recently purchased my first home.

And guess what?

The house is surrounded by flowers.

Oshun brought Me a True Love After All

We often overlook all the love in our lives while focusing on romantic love. 

What she brought me was better. My daughters. The love of my sisters, my friends.

My beautiful clients who share in my journey of seeking to discover the holy grail, healing the broken heart. 

My apprentices, who I learn just as much from them as they do from me. 

And most of all, self love.

Without this harrowing journey I’ve been on, I would have been too distracted pouring my love into a man.

All of this has forced me to find the fortitude to give that love to myself. 

Reclamation

Trauma is a part of our worldly existence. At some point in our life, we all experience it in some way, shape or form.

With trauma comes shame.

As a beautiful Healer pointed out to me the other day, shame seeks silence. And so it sits in the darkness. Hiding, lest anyone see. Taking over your life in subtle ways. Those ways where you aren’t expressing your fullest greatness because you are locking away a part of yourself. 

I was left with seemingly insurmountable levels of shame following my series of failed relationships. The grand finale of which resulted in a man choosing to leave this world rather than put in the effort to build a healthy family with me. 

I get it about shame.

The shame he put on me that was his. And I subconsciously scooped it up and carried it, for years without realizing it wasn’t even mine to begin with. 

For all the healing approaches I’ve discovered that are incredibly effective, I am beyond grateful. 

Yet I’ve continued to reproach myself this experience. My shame has said “what kind of healer are you that you couldn’t save this man”. 

But now, my wisdom says “my job isn’t to save anyone, my job is hold the frequency for those who are ready and willing to save themselves”. 

As Oshun has said, our worldly existence is but transitory. Fully accepting that brings a radical form of freedom.

Don’t give shame the power to take from you your greatest expression of yourself in this fleeting experience of life. 

Does it really matter? I mean, at the end of the day… you have a choice. I have a choice. We can continue to allow the darkness to keep us from fully shining, or we can shine on it. 

Courage isn’t as much about tackling those experiences which frighten us as it is about meeting ourselves as fully as we can. And in it, find our reclamation. 

Shine on my friend, you are not alone. 

1 Comment

  1. WOW, Lady Lea ✨

    Thank you So Much for sharing your experiences

    Again, we share very similar experiences including some very close and the same geographical locations~

    My main Goddess is and has been Isis since I was a little girl~she called me when I was 8, again when I was 18, again when I was 40!!

    I began to focus on walking the Goddess Path at 38~as a result:

    I have had the blessings of Oshun and Yemaya, Tiamat and Brigid as well

    Lady Isis reminded me again in 2022, that I am to work specifically with Her

    She strengthens me so much when the challenge of the Goddess Path isn’t easy

    So much Love and Blessing to you, Lady Lea ✨

    I love you

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Lea

Helping you to evolve your energy so you can live your best life.
Angel Guided Reiki Healing & Self Healing Mentorship.

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