"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." - Carl Sandburg
We spend so much time and energy on our romantic relationships.
If it's not all going into a current relationship, it's on the desire to have one. Or... the pain resulting from one.
Heartbreak has it's place and purpose in our lives, and for good reason.
Despite how horribly uncomfortable it may be, here are 3 hidden gifts that it will bring into your life.
Secret Purpose #1: The Silver Lining
Let's be real here. Every time you have had your heart broken, it always turned out for the best right?
There is a silver lining to every bad situation. When it comes to heartbreak, find YOUR Silver Lining.
If you can't find the silver lining, and you are still carrying around that wound unable to move on... call me up and I'll give you an energy healing session to remove that pain. Seriously, it works.
My silver lining is that having had my heart broken repeatedly by the same man over the course of ten years (feel free to judge me for my idiocy) I learned how to handle it in a healthy way. It has made me into a really effective healer.
Go figure. This powerful energy healer who can quickly and easily remove your pain is just a hopeless romantic who holds the record in how many times her heart has been broken.
As a healer, I wouldn't have learned how to consciously seek it, tap into it and cultivate it (to heal my own pain) had I not had the need. And this man provided for me the opportunity to practice. A LOT.
What is your silver lining? Is it that your heartbreak fueled your desire to better yourself? To go for that degree? To write that love story about it and make millions? To learn that skill that has now become your livelihood? To pursue your dream that you would never have pursued if you were wrapped up in that relationship? Is it in the face of one or more of your beautiful children?
I have even money on the fact that you could find at least ONE silver lining to your heartbreak.
There's gotta be at least one. Find it. Find it and GRAB ON TO IT. Focus on that instead of the pain. Let it fuel you.
Secret Purpose #2: Self Discovery
This is totally not as much fun as it sounds.
I remember being in my mid 20s and crying about how every relationship I ever had was with a total jerk. I did this so often that my words planted the growing awareness within me that I was the only common factor in all of my failed relationships.
Oh. Oh yeah. Wait... No way. There's no way it was me. I mean, I'm perfect. Completely perfect. No room for improvement in the relationship department. I just arrived amazing. If there was any fault to be had it was theirs.
Self discovery comes with pain and loss.
It comes when we are stripped of all that we have and everything we know to be true. We see it when we are standing there shattered with nothing left but our own raw and naked truth.
So maybe I was a little emotionally sadistic. And a control freak. And unreasonably insecure. And insensitive. And hypercritical. And obsessive. And.... And.... And......
When you go to a doctor for being ill, you need to be diagnosed before they can provide a remedy right? Well, when you are emotionally unbalanced you need to know what it is before you can remedy it.
Let's be honest with ourselves, we don't really want to have these self defeating behaviors do we? The challenge is that most of us lack the tools to understand or see that is the case. So we live with it. It consumes us until it destroys us. Only then do we start to get it. Only after it has destroyed us.
The gift here is the beautiful opportunity we now have to rebuild ourselves better. Armed with the knowledge of where to start we can discover how to do so.
So be honest with yourself. Be brutally honest with yourself. What part of yourself is emotionally unbalanced and what can you do to recover it?
You might hate me for telling you this now, but you will love me for it later.
Life is so much about finding ourselves, what better way to discover what is within us than to have ourselves broken wide open.
Secret Purpose #3: Spiritual Growth
I read somewhere that soulmates aren't in the business of making us happy. They are in the business of growing our souls.
There is nobody in this world that has the capacity to affect you in a way that is powerful enough for you to see yourself as you are, except your soulmate.
We know this intrinsically and that is why we seek them out. There is a yearning in our soul to grow and on some level we just know that we need to experience that relationship to do so. All of it. Not just the good parts, the bad parts too.
Profound life lessons such as forgiveness, compassion, assertiveness, boundaries, worthiness, all of these we learn from being wounded by our relationships.
When we find ourselves drowning in the bottomless sea of our pain, we reach out to divine source in hopes of finding the life preserver. Because an act of God is the only thing that can save us and we know it.
That's when the epiphanies come. The self discovery. The progress. The healing. It finds you in the form of a new friend, pet, book, support group, job opportunity... And you begin to see the path that led you where you were supposed to be going with more clarity then you ever have before.
It's grace. It's destiny. And it's YOURS.
When I took my energy back from my ex lover, I knew it would result in him showing up. Maybe a part of me was hoping for it despite how fearful I was. True to the laws of energy, he arrived.
Just not in the way I was expecting.
First I see him driving. Okay, I can handle that. It's not like I texted him for one last rendezvous, then texted him again pleading him to forget that I sent that message at all. That totally did not happen. :/
But then my best friend runs into him at a cafe. She texts me that he's there with a girl. Ouch. I did not expect the news to hit me as hard as it did.
To be honest... I already knew he was seeing someone. I'm psychic, remember? The cards told me so. They have also revealed that he does not have any love for me at all whatsoever. So why do I even care?
His new girlfriend deserves a gift basket and a thank you card for occupying him enough to stay faaaaaaaar out of my life. He's my kryptonite. And I'm in recovery. Thank you dear, darling girl. Thank you. And, you poor soul. I know what you are in for, and you will find out soon enough why I do not envy you.
I have a good friend who reads the tarot cards for me. It's common for psychics to trade readings for each other. I confided in her my struggle letting go of this ten year toxic lover.
She told me the reason why. He has my story. He knows my story and he holds it hostage making it whatever he wants it to be to serve his own narcissistic ends.
The key which will unlock my chains, she told me, was to take back my story. Well here's a piece of it.
My prayer is that you have the courage to take back yours. Find your silver linings, discover yourself, and know that even though the pain sucked sooo bad, it wasn't for nothing. Your soul shines brighter now.